The Summer Is On… But the Heat Is Getting To Me
Right now I am having a few weeks of being up and down. I feel like my emotional state in life is unbalanced. No matter how hard I try I want to be a better person, but there is a big stumbling block in front of me. I am facing failure like it’s a new thing but in reality it has to do with the K drop aka the catalog drop at IKEA in August is making me sweat. I am getting grumpy and I am very emotional. I am very high and low and it makes me think that I don’t do well with stress. Plus, trying to make a budget so I can pay bills and do the things I want is also stressing me out. I can’t go to the Underground to listen to music because I don’t have money. I don’t have the resources to plan ahead to volunteer at the Underground and get in free. I also am having this I hate being alone and listening to really loud music alone. After going to Alive Festival two years ago I realized that I need a boyfriend or friends who likes that kind of music. It’s just that I am waiting on God to send me my husband and right now, I want to have share my stressful moments with him. I know God is a good God and I rely on him for so much. I am at this time where I want to be a person who doesn’t want to be alone. All my friends are married, have kids, getting married or dating and then there is me. Hello… I am a loser. I am alone. I feel like at work I have no one who really understands me because they are at different stages in their lives or different ages. Or to have a blast go get drunk and laugh about it on facebook. That’s just not me. I want to be in a community of friends who passionately love Jesus with all their heart and soul. I want to build friendships with people who don’t mind having a game night and drinking pop. Yes, I said pop. Not alcohol but pop. I want to build a community of friends that want to live in a community that is not totally unsafe or run down but a place that is not for the rich folk. I don’t want to be one of those snobby people who have all the money but spend on nothing that matters. There are people who have lost their jobs, their family members, who are on the verge of suicide or like Amy Winehouse have struggled with addiction. I want to be in a community that helps those people not become one of those people. I feel like society needs a facelift but also I think the Christian community needs to be more opened to those who are in need. Like I said for my New Year’s motivation would be Luke 4:18 which says:
18 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
19 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”[a]
Sometimes I feel it is hard for me to do these things when I get stressed or knocked down. I am trying not to let the world get me down but it is hard when I feel alone in this dark world where hope lingers out there but sometimes things don’t easily come as they should. I want to build a real authentic friendships that has nothing to do with facebook. I want friends that I can actually sit and have a great conversation about the demise of the soaps or what kind of music they enjoy or what kind books they like to read. I am craving friendship/community/dating…. until next time…
